Sesshomaru's Thoughts
by sorathestar
Summary: Have you ever wondered what Sesshomaru thinks about? Have you ever wondered what his thoughts are concerning Rin?
1. Chapter 1

Rin.

The only mystery I have yet to solve in this world. Eyes of distain have yet to fall upon me from this innocent. She is human but unlike her kind she holds nothing for me save for loyalty. She asks nothing of me, gives no thought to her own life; however, I feel this strange sensation. It leads me to protect her in times of danger. It moves me to a sense of…compassion when she shivers in the cold. It pushes me to comfort her in times of distress.

I really cannot recall what drew my curiosity to this small youth. Perhaps it was the way she cared for me in my time of vulnerability, or maybe it was truly curiosity that led me to revive her. I can never be completely sure of these things. One thing is certain; I know I cannot allow death to hold her prematurely.

She follows me wherever my journey takes me. I have yet to hear a murmur or a compliant out of her. Although, Jaken constantly rebukes her for being what she cannot help being, she never returns the spite even though on numerous occasions he has unwittingly asks for her wrath.

I have time and again found myself annoyed with Jaken's ceaseless reproach towards the girl. I often wonder why this is so. Perhaps it is because Jaken must voice these things and his voice is utterly atrocious to listen to. Perhaps it is his complaints are a constant that I do not wish to have in my life. Or perhaps it is that I care for her.

I have found myself on numerous occasions saving this scrap of a girl from the clutches of those who would do her harm. Every time this happens, I feel as though she will come to me and beseech her dismissal. Yet for some reason beyond logic, she follows me wherever I would go.

As we travel, she sings her praise of me. It was strange at first. I had never heard my praise sang so genuinely. At the time, I wanted to stop and ask her why she did so. However I did not. It sounded natural to hear her sing them than any other being. Now all it does is swell my pride to the heights of the heavens.

She is a funny child. She always seems to find amusement in the simple things of life. Her logic seems so simple and naïve but when deeply analyzed is actually quite profound. I found myself wishing she would never grow older. I know that she must yet I wish for it anyway. At the very least, she would never lose her child-like tendencies.

She is the reason I even consider children in my future. I suppose it is high time I settle down, but no woman holds my interest at this moment. If I were to have children, I would want one heir and the rest to be daughters.

Funny how I think these thoughts since Rin entered my life. I never would have conceived such ideas if she were not here. I wonder what she has done to me.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Despite my best intentions, Rin has grown older. She still continues to hold her childlike tendencies, but when it is appropriate. She has transformed into a beautiful, delicate flower; though, I think she is more beautiful than some worthless plant. She is an elegant young woman.

Though I regret it somewhat now, I am glad I left her with my idiot of a half brother, especially after my venture in Hell. I have found that many of my expeditions are of similar danger to her. By leaving her there, I know she is safe and prospering.

My only reason for regret is that my entourage has fallen in number. I quite miss having her presence close by my side. She brought a joy that was missing before her arrival. Now there only seems to be emptiness since her forceful departure.

I know it is for the best that she remains there, but I fear she will cease to want me. There are many young men in the half breed's village that would kill for her to even glance at them with the way she looks at me. They desire her yet the question remains will she desire one of them in return? I am afraid the next time I visit her she will introduce me to one of them with the phase "my hopeful intended" attached to her sentence. I know that should I hear such things from her I would die completely inside. To date though, no such nonsense has escaped her mouth.

I know I feel something for Rin. She has been in my care for nearly her entire life since I resurrected her after her death by wolves. After that day, she fell right into step with me. I have never asked her of her health. I always seem to know when she is hungry or in need of a bath. It is almost as if I have developed a sixth sense of sorts to her. With her in my care, I know I cannot allow her to be of ill health. I deceived myself into thinking it was for my benefit that she remain well. After all, Jaken was in my "care" years before her and I never once cared if the imp lived or died. Rin is different. I actually care if she is sick or hurting. My devotion to her has reached the point that if she said that some fool had inflicted pain upon her I would immediately destroy not just the said fool but also everything within the village he currently dwells and more than likely the next one over all for her. I suppose that is the price one must pay for love. I guess the best way to define what I feel is love. I want her to be safe and happy, but more importantly I believe I want Rin to be mine.

I have yet to come to complete terms with Rin being mine. In a sense, she already is mine. I have been her protector almost as a father protects his offspring. Though, I do not view her as my offspring.

She means so much more to me than a mere child. Though those relations are important; that is not how I view my relation to her. I believe it is something more akin to lover/mates; however, she is still a child at least compared to my age.

I cannot think such things about her. She is human and I am demon. We can never be for the simple fact that we are of distinctly separate walks of life. Somehow, I resent the idea of her by the side of some lowlife human. I know she deserves better than such mediocrities.

I have noticed a change in her. I see it in her eyes. When I go to leave, she wants to plead that I stay. When I return to her, she becomes overly hopeful that I will call her to me once again. Perhaps she longs for me as I seeming long for her. Still, I feel as though she cannot possibly want me as I want her.

I cannot call her yet as I still have to decipher my own feelings regarding the matter. I still think it is wrong to want her to the extent that I do, but I am growing eerily comfortable with this want at the same time.

For her, time grows increasingly short. I cannot let her wait forever. Yes, she will not wait that long and neither will I. I cannot remain indecisive about such affairs any longer. Funny how she brings me to my knees without even doing anything; she holds more sway in my considerations than she will ever know. Just one more way she has changed me. Whether for the better or worse, I cannot be sure. One thing that I am sure of is it is time that my loose ends concerning her are tied.

Author's note: Ok, if you don't know, I don't own Inuyasha or the characters associated with it. So this is the next chapter in my weird story. I hope I've kept Sesshomaru in character. I feel like he's way out of character but I don't know. -_- Anyway, I hope this is enjoyable. : D


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

My loose ends regarding the girl-child now turned woman must be tied. Our relationship cannot stay as it is now. She is not simply my ward any longer. She is more to me than even I care to admit.

It amuses me to see how my life and hers have run their courses. When she and I first started this journey, I was her savior. I rescued her from both the pits of Hell and the disgust of poverty. She followed me faithfully wherever my wanderings led. She obeyed my every command with sure joy as though her only purpose of existence was to serve me. Yet without her intend, she saved me. She raised me out of my loathing and despair. She showed me a world in which happiness was supplied in excess. She led me to a place where I was not what I proclaimed myself to be. She became my savior and rescued me from my title.

I know I care for her in the way a man cares for a woman. I admit that I need her to be more to me than she already is. I suppose the only way to properly express this decision is too loudly proclaim to anyone who will listen that I love Rin. I cannot continue my life properly without her. She must re-enter my life and stay close to my person. I cannot allow her to leave, but I will not force her to stay. She must choose me over her own kind. I know I would still care for her should she refuse me, but there would be no redemption for my soul again.

I find myself just outside the hanyou's village where I left her. I am nervous for what I am about to do. She is my world, my light. I cannot imagine my existence continuing properly without her. She has taught me so much without even knowing it. She has reached down into my darkness, taken my hand, and whispered to me that I could still fulfill my destiny yet care for someone at the same time. She has comforted my sanity with her gentle understanding, she has appeased my wrath with her undying loyalty, and she has boosted my pride with her continual admiration. For this, I know I must bring her back into my company.

I am no odd spectacle to this human establishment. They all have seen me parade through their roads to visit my ward. What is rare is that I have returned to her empty handed. I know what they all believe to be occurring. I am leaving her here, but this time I do not plan to return. They believe I wish to permanently leave the healer of my broken heart here in this rioting pile of mud, the fools. They do not perceive my true intentions and thus cause my amusement. They do not yet realize that I wish to whisk her away from them and keep her all to myself in the West.

I arrive at the hut of the old miko who provides shelter for Rin. She is reaching well into her lifespan and looks as though she is ready to end her duties for this life. She nods to me and call back into the covering that I have arrived. Rin calmly walks out and bows to me. I nod to her and she follows. I take her to a place outside the village that she and I have been to many times before. I can tell she senses a change but she will not comment on such things, knowing it is not her place. I scan the area to ensure its security; then, I perform an act that makes her outwardly gasp. I remove my chest plate and swords. This act allows me to gather my courage and arrange my words. Once this is accomplished, I slowly walk towards her and lower myself to my hands and knees at her feet.

I feel her stand perfectly still. She is unsure of what exactly she must do. I can sense part of her wishes to fall to her knees to straighten me in hope of reminding me of the proper order. But another part, the part that is winning, tells her to allow things to play out for I do not do anything without reason.

If I were any other, I would have taken a deep breath before my confession. However, I am who I am, and only say her name in a breath. She looks down at me with a look nervous confusion. The next I am aware of, I am telling her all my mind has been contemplating. I confess my secret feeling towards her. And in that moment, I see that she sees me not as her savior, demon, god, or lord, but as a man proclaiming undying devotion to the woman who evokes these things in him.

After I finish, she falls to her knees, wraps her arms around my neck, and weeps into my shoulder. Yet, these tears are not the tears of sadness, but the tears of happiness. With one simple confession, I have brought joy to a creature who is the personification of joy.

Though she says nothing to my declaration, she has no need to, for she knows that I know. Without words, she has confirmed what I have suspected. She pulls away slightly, and there, I see a smile has graced her beautiful teary face. She cups my face in both of her hands and presses her forehead to mine. In whispers, she asks if she can request something of me. Were I anyone else, I would have responded with words, but all she gets from me is a nod which is enough for her. She requests that I take her away from these humans and I tell her it was my intention all along.

She brings me to stand and retrieve my chest plate and swords. Once they are placed back where they belong, I turn and stride away from the village. Rin falls right into step but this time at my right side. It crossed my mind to tell the miko I was leaving with Rin, but that would go against my pride and nature. After all, she is mine thus I do not have to ask permission to take her; she simply leaves with me.

The life I envisioned now passes before my sight. There, I see Rin now and the phrase he has become his father in the strangest way echoes in my mind's ear; yet it holds no distaste only happiness.


End file.
